What makes one person grab hold and tie a determined knot and another simply cast the rope aside altogether?
A black and white cat dressed in an infant sleeper, sleepovers, some real some imagined, an argument over french fries, fast rides in a red Pinto. Just some of the memories filling my mind. She gave me a few English riding lessons, I wasn't very good, my thighs hurt like hell, she won endless ribbons. We grew together, laughed together, sometimes cried together. The times we shared although long past are once again vivid and fresh.
She married young and bore a son, I went off to college. I suspect neither of us really knew what we were getting into or what we really wanted. Shortly thereafter we lost touch, no real reason, just moving on I suppose to different lives.
Around the time I returned home to settle down she married for the second time, three more children would follow. Although we remained out of touch I still managed to hear about her, what she was up to, where she was. I imagined her happy and involved, I know how much joy my boys and partner bring me. I was always going to call but never got around to it. I looked for her every year on the street corner as I paraded by with the fire department, I never saw her, but always looked.
I now know that the happiness and joy that I imagined for her for some reason were not there or she couldn't grab hold of them. I wish that I had made the time for the phone call. I would have liked to help her learn to tie a few knots myself.
I hope she has found the peace she sought. I will carry her memory, our shared laughter and her smile with me and next parade day I will try not to shed a tear as I once again seek her out in the crowd.
